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Sunday, June 21, 2015

Respect

Hey All -- another weekend done, another week about to get under way!

One obstacle we sometimes face as beta males is lack of respect.  We are often confronted by those who enjoy hearing the sound of their own voices, expect those around them to kowtow to their superiority, and seriously believe that pushing others around, with immunity and impunity, is their divine right.  It's not only frustrating, it's dangerous - if you're not careful, all of the "just ignore them;" "it's the way they are;" and "don't take it personally;" rhetoric will serves to give these people a protective shield against any consequences.

There are always ways to deal with them -- here are some:

(1) Emotional Discipline:  never lose your cool.  People like this live to make other people upset.  It's their point system, their merit badges, and their "likes."  Do NOT, under any circumstances, give them an easy win.  The Armor around your Heart should be at maximum srength, your frustration should be held in check, and your composure should be will within reach.

(2) Short Reaction Time:  do not reflect on whatever bruises they left for more than five minutes.  Anything beyond that stops being their doing, and starts becoming yours.  Don't do their job for them.

(3) Preparation:  Decide that next time they choose to reach in, you will handle them with respect, but firmness.  Choose what you will allow, and what you won't.

(4) Boundaries:  Explain to them that their actions are not acceptable, and if they choose to deal with you, they'll simply have to stop them.

(5) Consequences:  This is where it can get tricky.

   (A)  Authority - do not engage in any action that contravenes the legitimate authority you have over you unless absolutely necessary.  And it can only be absolutely necessary if you first notify that authority of what is happening.

   (B)  Response of Authority - if they act, and resolve the issue, don't aggravate it further.  If they do not act, then and only then can you take action, because you now have a record of the problem.

   (C)  Position of Strength - if the next incident happens, remind them that the authorities know about them, that they are not the authorities, no matter how much they act like it, and that nothing they do will be tolerated.

  (D)  Attack Mode - remind them of their weaknesses.  Their defeats.  Their mistakes.  Their shortcomings.  Don't get distracted when they try to bring up yours, and don't let them intimidate you.  At that point, they've run out of free passes.

  (E)  Preparation for Future Confrontations - now that you know how they are when it gets real, you'll be even better prepared for them next time.  Unless they've actually shown enough cowardice to back down.

 This list is, of course, not exclusive, and doesn't apply to any and all situations.  However, it's a much more civilized and controlled method of responding to disrespect in most settings. 

DISCLAIMER:  This blog does not condone violence of any kind.  Let someone else handle that.  Of course, measures must be taken to defend yourself from imminent harm, but striking out in violence solves nothing.  We are not savages or neandrathals.  And yes, I'll say it once more, we are not ruled by the alphaganda, and we do not live in a comic book.  Let the animals behave like animals.  Don't be one.
 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Your Own True Self!

Movie on 2015 06 16 at 21 47

Your Own True Self

Hey All!

We've recently heard at least two stories involving people who sought to essentially be people they weren't.  I think I've had enough of that, and I'll present the Bold Betas take on it all.

(1).  We all have temporal characteristics and immutable characteristics.  

(2).  The temporal characteristics are our thoughts, passions, opinions, and overall maturity level.  It is expected that these traits change as we grow, learn, and reach self-actualization.

(3).  The immutable characteristics are those that define us are those meant to remain constant before and after self-actualization.  Growing and learning cannot alter them - rather, growing and learning only make those characteristics stronger.

(4).  Some think that these immutable characteristics are somehow optional, and can be altered at any time.  They are sadly mistaken.

(5).  We are the human race.  By definition, we are all made distinct, discrete, and unique.  We have many different nationalities, several distinct cultures, and two genders.

(6).  Without mocking those who produce and create science fiction, the human race simply can't be anything else.  We were never meant to be one uniform group of all one nationality or culture, and it goes against our very being to be only one gender.

(7).  You are not becoming your own true self if you are thinking of altering any of these immutable characteristics.  You are destroying your own true self.  There is nothing brave, courageous, open-minded, tolerant, or accepting about doing so.

To be a Bold Beta is not to negate masculinity.  Not by a long shot.  It is to embrace the type of masculinity that is not governed by the alphaganda, rejects the "might makes right" way of living that others assume to be the only way, and to play up to those strengths that the alphaganda minimizes.  Nowhere among these pages has there been a suggestion that a Bold Beta male become a woman.  Nowhere has there been a suggestion that a woman become a man if she's unhappy being a woman.

And nowhere, for any reason, has there been a discussion of race on this blog.  Nor will there ever be.

If you find yourself to be uncommon compared to other members of your faith, stripe, or club, embrace that uncommon-ness.  That means being who you are, and not being who you are not.

I have now concluded my discussion of this subject. 

DISCLAIMER:  The above post does not insult, smear, besmirch, slander, belittle, or otherwise disrespect anyone who has already chosen to make such a transformation.  It merely points out the fact that this type of transformation is the wrong move to make, and serves as an admonition to this blog's audience to never even consider it.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Checking Privilege

Ahhh, what a beautiful Sunday afternoon -- I'm writing the first outdoor blog of the season!

In the past several years, there has been some talk in the "regular" media and social media demanding that some people "check their privilege."  I respectfully disagree.

You've seen me, time and time again, write about the destructive evils of bullying.  To me it's quite literally the path to the dark side.  My two-fold solution to this problem has been for us Bold Betas to, in a nutshell, become Bold and Bulletproof so that we can withstand any attack against us; and for those who perpetrate bullying to be taught how to be behave.  When this is accomplished, we Bold Betas reach self-actualization through a disciplined course of emotional maturity, and those who perpetrate bullying learn to stop being aggressive when they shouldn't be, and to be only aggressive when they absolutely must be.

But as Bold Betas, we are not only easy targets for bullying, we are also easy targets for shaming.  Stereotypically speaking, we are expected to be always-forgiving, non-assertive, docile, compliant, and consistently accommodating to others.  If we have something of value that others lack, we are faced with pointing fingers and clucking tongues that admonish us for not being "beta enough."  If we come from a background that provided us with some slight advantage that strengthened us, we are slammed and criticized for not being "open minded" enough to understand someone else's plight, and we are expected to believe that the others' disadvantages somehow make them morally superior to us. 

Gentlemen:  Don't fall for this.

Whatever "privileges" we have are strengths, and not weaknesses.  Unlike the overly-aggressive types, we do not use our strengths to cause harm to those who have less than we do.  We do rub our accomplishments in others' faces.  We do not shove people around with whatever confidence we have.  If we are Bold and Bulletproof, we use these "privileges" wisely in order to make our lives better.  These is nothing at all wrong with doing that.

Not to mention, if we choose to help those who lack what we have, on our own volition, and without being guilted or shamed into doing so, this is also using our "privileges" wisely.  

It is only when these "privileges" are intentionally used to harm others that they need to be "checked," and not just because someone is angry that they don't have them.  By the same token, it seems to me that these finger-pointers and shame-artists need to "check" their desire to judge and blame.  How much better can their lives be if all they do is "rage against the gods," like the antihero of an ancient Greek tragedy, instead of overcoming their disadvantages, as we do?

Never be ashamed of who you are.  Never minimize your accomplishments.  Never be less proud of yourself just because someone else has not accomplished what you've done.

Conversely, don't get a swelled head.  Don't attack those who have less than you.  Don't be like the overly-aggressive types that I've spoken out against.  Don't insult, disparage, or judge those who did not make the same choices you did.  This way, when they demand that you "check your privilege," you can truthfully say that there's nothing to check.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Only With Effort

Hey All!  Are you ready for the summer? 

A universal truth became apparent to me recently:  the only way to have the life, friends, and surroundings we want is through continuous effort.

Sometimes people say, let "nature take its course."  Is that what we really want?

If we have a house and let "nature take its course," it doesn't get cleaned, wear and tear becomes excessive, grass doesn't get mowed, leaves don't get raked, and the local authorities condemn it.

If we have a relationship and let "nature take its course," birthdays and anniversaries get forgotten, plans don't get made, memories don't get created, and feelings don't get reinforced.

If we, as beta males, let "nature take its course," we get manipulated by over-aggressive types, we get ignored and passed over, we get shamed and punished for not delivering what "they" want, and we resign ourselves to a life of anonymity.

HOWEVER, WHEN EFFORT IS APPLIED:

The house is kept in great condition, and possibly increases in value.

The relationship blossoms and thrives.

And as beta males, so do we.

I am not saying that we must overburden ourselves with everything we do to the point of burnout.  That's no way to live.  But I am saying that self-actualization, confidence-building, and basic human respect happen only with effort, and they are not given to us automatically.  It takes practice to become Bold and Bulletproof, and if we stop for too long, we backslide.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Emotional Discipline

Hey hey, it's Sunday night!  You know what that means.

Stop me if I mentioned this before.  Actually, don't.  You see, there's nothing wrong with bringing up a prior topic, because if it everything was said and done, I wouldn't be bringing it up now. 

One trait that we beta males have that is both our greatest strength and our biggest stumbling block is our emotional capacity.  By definition, we are more sensitive than the alpholes, who are strangely admired for the devil-may-care approach.  While this leads to better moral choices, it also stunts our growth and leaves us in a rut.

There is nothing wrong with caring for others.  There is something wrong with putting everyone else's needs over our own.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you're hurt.  There is something wrong with admitting it to people who are unwilling or unable to actually help you get through it.

There is nothing wrong with saying that you feel something is unfair or unjust.  There is something wrong with "just saying" that, and not making a real change.

There is nothing wrong with being angry.  There is something wrong using that anger destructively.

There is nothing wrong with walking away from a fight.  There is something wrong with initiating or provoking a fight and then running away from it.

There is nothing wrong with being concerned about something bad that might happen.  There is something wrong with immobilizing yourself with fear and worry because you assume the worst case scenario.

There is nothing wrong with stating that you have been wronged.  There is something wrong with thinking about how you've been wronged over and over again without actually making an attempt to rectify it.

There is nothing wrong with honestly assessing the past.  There is something wrong with still living there and not living in the present.

There is nothing wrong with showing compassion.  There is something wrong with showing it to people who don't deserve your time or attention.

There is nothing wrong with apologizing for your mistakes.  There is something wrong with begging forgiveness from people who are too arrogant to accept your apology.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are wrong and made a mistake.  There is something wrong with self-flagellation and self-loathing because you made that mistake.

There is nothing wrong with mourning a loss.  There is something wrong with using the loss as a crutch and an excuse long after that loss is gone.

There is nothing wrong with charity.  There is something wrong with enabling and spoiling.

There is nothing wrong with wanting peace.  There is something wrong with using peace as an excuse to permit unacceptable behavior.

There is nothing wrong with having independent thoughts.  There is something wrong with aggressively forcing those thoughts on others without respecting their differences.

There is nothing wrong with telling someone else that you do not agree with what they have said or done.  There is something wrong with telling someone else that you do not agree with anything they have said or done, or that you do not agree with their very existence.

Now that I've given enough examples, it's plain to see that they key to accepting ourselves, and in turn, earning respect in this life, is to keep our emotions in check.  Our reactions, no matter how justified, are stumbling blocks if they are not used properly.  If we speak too quickly in anger, we will say things that we may be forced to apologize for later.  If we react out of fear, we will be immobilized and prevented from growing and maturing.  If we show compassion and caring to those who have not earned it from us, we will be made into targets and victims, because we've given those people a lifetime free pass to hurt us with impunity.

Don't have a pure heart with an empty head.  Instead, have a full heart ruled by logical, self-governing, and independent mind.  And never, EVER, be ruled by a mouth.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.